parenting

Andy has been out of town for the past couple days. It feels like it’s been an eternity. I have been, how should I say this…lacking patience. And grace. And compassion with my children. Wyatt was out of school for four days {Boone, 2 days} because of the weather. Had we known that, we should have gone to the beach! I am ready to get back to routine and they are too, even though they don’t realize it. I took my kids to my niece’s high school basketball game Friday night. Why did I think that would be a good idea without Andy? Wyatt had a basketball game yesterday and I admit I asked my Mom if she would stay with Boone and Josie…just so I wouldn’t have to chase them around. We even went to Burger King for lunch…so that they would get all their energy out in the play area. It didn’t work. I had them go outside to run around some more so I could get dinner ready. In less than 15 minutes my house had mud tracked onto the carpet, leaves in the house, Boone had brought tons of toys and some towels outside. And Josie got into the sandbox and sand was everywhere.

Boone woke up Wyatt Saturday morning which was a bad idea because he was tired and in the worst mood and whined and complained all day. And then he volunteered to help with Boone and Josie at bedtime. He read to Josie. Rocked her. Sang to her. And even laid down in her bed with her. It was sweet.

 

And little did I know she had not gone to sleep. It was 9:30. I continued to hear her talk and then it was 10:00. Then 10:30. Then I heard her door open and she came out with her eyes semi-closed thinking I would not see her. I give up. I was ready for a night to just chill. Didn’t happen.

At 12:00, MIDNIGHT, the girl does this. Straight up chillin. Wide awake. I have NO clue why.

So I am tired. The boys climbed into my bed this morning and then they wouldn’t stop wiggling around. Boone kept playing with his feet and his fingers and using his imagination to pretend they were people. Only Boone.

On Friday I HAD to go to the grocery store. Two places I needed to go. I survived Wal-Mart then I had to go to Food City. Boone had to go to the bathroom, of course. Then Wyatt had to go and of course Josie wanted to. I ran into a friend and then the lady that had been in the bathroom witnessing my 3 ring circus came out  and told me that  my crew had made her chuckle which brightened her day because she had been having a not so great day. I truly am grateful God could use my crazy kids to help another person. But we didn’t stay. No groceries bought. I left dragging my 3 ring circus out the door.

I haven’t showered in 3 days. Sometimes I have to lock the door just to go to the bathroom alone.

I’m tired. I feel defeated. How do we do this as parents? How do we find any time to our selves? Ok, I’ll speak for myself. I need time alone. I crave time alone. I am a better mother when I have had a little “break”. I need quiet. I need silence. I need to listen to God. I need time to just think.

And what I realize in all of this is that I have not had time alone with Jesus in about 2 weeks. I find that I have to get up early before they do {which means about 6 AM} to open my Bible. To write. To be still. To listen to what God is telling me, directing me, pouring into me. And I have that time to pour out to Him. To tell Jesus my heart. To whisper my longings. To give Him my sadness. To praise Him for my thanksgivings. To ask for direction and discernment. To lay people, friends and family at His feet. I need Jesus daily. Just like I need food and water to survive and thrive. I need Him even more.

This means giving up watching TV late at night {and getting off my computer, ahem, Pinterest} and giving up sleep in the morning. It means making the coffee and lunches the night before so it’s a bit easier to wipe the sleep from my eyes and unravel those warm blankets when it’s still dark outside. But it is SO worth it. As a parent, we are pulled on from every direction. We are needed at all times. We take care of the house, so that it can be a safe haven and a place of comfort and rest from the outside world. We care for the nutrition of our children so their bellies are full. We do the laundry so the family has clean clothes on their bodies. We wipe bottoms and noses, make sure teeth are being brushed, give baths, discipline and try our best to be consistent. We help with homework. Teach our kids to make their beds and clean up their toys. We are asked questions all…day…long. I know these things will change as they get older. This is just where I am at in life.

So as I cry out to Jesus, yes literally, {sometimes right in front of my children} my faithful God tells me this as I opened my devotional this morning:

God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.
Psalm 46:5

And there you have it. The Lord has met me and given me His promises. I have called out. Cried out. And He has answered. Boom.