i’m speechless

I don’t feel like I know how to blog anymore! I have so much that God has done and want to share and I don’t know how to put it into words. I’m speechless.

It’s been almost 4 months. 4 months since my Dad met his Maker. I realize I have not shared how my Dad died. I want to…just not yet. I know I don’t have to share but I think there is good in it, that I pray would help someone who might still read my blog! Ha!

This I can share. God is so very good. In the midst of tragedy. In heartbreak. God is so gracious. He is so comforting. He is so real. So alive. He meets me in the place my heart needs it the most.

I think about my Dad every day. And I miss him. And my kids desperately miss him. And God has been so kind to fill my heart with joy and peace again. I will tell you this…you cannot find that in the things of this world. Or in people. Only Christ can satisfy us. And we will not FULLY know that until we are in heaven.

So I’m speechless. There are no words that can fully describe how God has, is, mending my heart.

I have my days. I weep. I play things back in my head. Like when I saw him last. When I talked to him last. I miss his big arms hugging me. And his phone calls to offer to take me to lunch. Or to come by and see the kids.

Those are things that I cherish and that I hope God helps me to remember. That time doesn’t push those memories away but keeps them stored in a special place in my heart.

Because He turned His ear to me,
I will call on Him as long
as I live.
Psalm 116:2

Your comfort in my suffering is this:
Your promise preserves my life.
Psalm 119:50

I have learned to love the darkness of sorrow,
for it is there I see the brightness of
God’s face.
Madame Guyon